I have been on hiatus. You may not have noticed, but I did. Putting words into the world, gathered in their carefully crafted sentences of context and nuance, is among the most valuable things in the world to me. I can get lost writing and find myself again. I love everything from developing ideas on the trivial and mundane to waxing philosophic about cosmology.
I struggle sometimes, too. I have days where I cannot find a starting point or days where the ideas are thick and lead me off of my central point fast and frequently. Quite the opposite of BLOCK- it is a flood and I have to work harder at editing and narrowing my thoughts in so the reader is not left like consumed in the whirlwind which occasionally occurs between my ears.
So I avoid it. And BOOM, a few weeks has transpired and my fear of overwhelm will disappear. Then I look at it like a challenge, when just a few days before, I cowered in fear at that exact thought. Quite curious, really.
I am a streaky creature, by nature. I go, go, go, then hit a wall and stay still for a bit. Whether it be writing, cooking, It is kind of a life-long pattern I am examining. Not one I am trying to judge, however, because when I feel really good and creative/productive, I appreciate it so much. So I am just in a place of acknowledgement and acceptance. But also a healthy dose of AWARENESS. I want to ensure that I do not allow it to stick me in park too long.
I realize that stagnation is not something I want to accept in my life, I want to keep moving forward. So here I am, computer in hand with ideas and thoughts and experiences to write about and I am just going to write until I don't feel like writing anymore...today. And tomorrow, I am going to create something else. IF not words, maybe one of my other passions.
Now that I recognize and accept that I have a "pattern" which has been occurring on and off for my entire life, perhaps I can destroy the pattern and create something new in its space.
As I am writing, I am getting ideas on overcoming the pattern and managing the "down swings" of energy. I have dull days (doesn't everyone?) when my mental acuity does not match my desire to create. And I have days where I lack focus. I move without intention and it is in this "mindless" activity I lose time and direction.
Some folks reading this may feel like this is basic information while others may be unaccustomed to self examination and this is new territory. I have been working on introspection and really examining my life in the past year. Long story short, everyone did something new during COVID. Some folks baked homemade bread or learned how to crochet or photograph nature. I turned "off" the TV and some other distractions in my life and started paying more attention to the energetic in my life. Whether thoughts, feelings or motivations, I am drawn to examining it and influencing the energy in my life.
While discussing this pattern with an old friend, I realized something important. I am committed to creating, but I am also committed to an organic process. I thought of "forced" creation time and it didn't sit well with me. It is a great idea, in theory, but practice might find me empty at the appointed time and full at some other time. So I am choosing to do something different, instead. Perhaps in the future, I will try a creating challenge for myself. For now, though, I am content in simply becoming more and more aware as I seek to learn and respect who I AM. So, I am going to simply be aware of how my creative energy ebbs and flows.
So, when my energy is high and I am a creative genius (don't you love those days?!?), I am grateful and celebrate it! And when my energy is low and the juices just aren't flowing, I will honor the pause and use it as time to restore and reflect.
Enjoy your journey today!