I am Afraid of You
Why would anyone want to put it all out there for everyone to read?
To judge? To criticize?
Because I am finally recognizing how powerful and pervasive FEAR can be and I am done living afraid. I have been in pain for most of my life and much of it is fear-based. I am afraid of people, of judgement and criticism. I am afraid of both failure AND success at the same time.
How can you be afraid of success? Why would you be afraid of it? Simply put- I fear expectations. When you do something well- people want you to do more and more and regularly. Those expectations are my fear. That I will let people I care about down in some way, shape or form and then I will feel the criticism and disappointment. That is what I truly fear. When I meet a new influential person, I wonder how long it will be until I let them down and I don't think I am alone in this type of thinking.
I seek to clear this energetic pattern of failure and disappointment by creating a life that I love in every facet. I saw a quote once that read something like "The meaning of life is to give life meaning". And that is a choice.
I choose to assign my life the meaning I desire. So I am cultivating it, growing it from the seed to flower. Right now, I have a stem growing out of the seed and a few leaves, which is fine. The flower doesn't bloom overnight.