Cultivate the Life You Seek

Updated: Apr 3

A lot of people feel stuck. I know, because I have felt stuck before, too. Sometimes you don't even know what your dreams look like anymore when you are in the deep abyss of self pity and depression. You try to climb, but the rungs are so far apart and reaching burns but holding on is torture.

I am happy to say, I am not in that place today. Today, I see rainbows within the clouds and opportunity in failure and mistakes. I see worth in taking time to smell the roses and CULTIVATING the life I want to live.

What does that look like, really and practically, because this part is what eluded me for a long time. Fact is, I have always created my life. So have you. But I didn't always KNOW I was literally creating habits and patterns and ways of thinking that might not serve my greatest good.

I realized that I cultivated a life before. It was the life I THOUGHT I wanted. At 19, I decided that I wanted to become a bartender. I thought it would be literally the coolest thing on the planet to get people fucked up and make a living at it. And it was, for a time. When it was fun, it was lots and lots of fun, but when it sucked, it was awful. I painstakingly created a life that revolved around alcohol. I did that.

I also broke the wheel I became stuck in for so long. I had to smash up the life I created to make space for the blessings that were coming my way. So, smash it up, I did. No, none of this was thoughtful or intentional at that moment, like I said, I did not recognize what I was doing. I just knew I had to get away from it-all of it- the bars, the late nights, the hangovers with their requisite guilt and shame perpetually attached.

It has taken awhile, but I have created something new and amazing. I sought love and understanding, peace and acceptance. Through seeking those things, I have built other patterns, new beliefs and behavior that has supplanted the old poisonous ways with new growth and opportunities. The rungs aren't too far apart anymore and for that I am thankful. And the more I put gratitude into my life as a practice and a "way to be", the more I am blessed.

Now, when I have a "small" day, when I feel weak, ineffective or helpless, I recognize it in a totally different way. Now, I am aware of "receiving" instead of "creating". When I am in creation mode, I am expanding and thus do not feel "small" at all. I feel huge and am more at peace. The exact thing I was seeking all along. Be blessed, my friends.

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